What’s your vice?

I think it only fair that after several posts about the struggles my son was going through, I share a view from the other side. I’ve never tried to hide my life as a single mom and try to be honest with myself and everyone else that my kids did not have the best of me growing up. I was so torn between supporting a disintegrating husband/marriage and just plain working to pay the bills, it was survival most of the time, plain and simple.

I went to England for various reasons~exploring something new, running away from old pain, coming out of a dark place.

Unfortunately, my older son got lost in the shuffle, I need to step up and make up for that.

My son has a typical story, starting smoking pot young, kept smoking pot, wanted and tried to quit many times and when he finally got serious about quitting, he got anxious, depressed and paranoid.

Be neither proud nor ashamed of your vices

Obviously in the whole scheme of things I wish none of my kids would have any “issues” but the reality is there is a whole spectrum of “vices” including gambling, heroin, extra marital affairs, alcohol, shopping, eating disorders, obsessive-compulsion, self-harming…

Smoking pot is pretty middle of the road and as the whole country goes “legal” it’s important to remember that there are plenty of legal vices so it’s just a matter of degree. I go shopping, have a drink and buy a lottery ticket but I don’t spend money I don’t have or drive home drunk.

I know from experience that it is a fine line between between recreational pot smoking and being dependent on smoking pot. Happy to say my son has, after several months of distress, quit smoking pot and is pretty much a new person! Engaged, motivated, relaxed~

I am heading back to New York on Friday ~on the train~ to spend next week with my Easter baby on his 30th birthday. With an interview at New York Presbyterian Hospital. More big decisions!!!

 

 

what a weekend

No doubt this has been a brutal winter!  Just hopping in the car was impossible without excessive planning

 

and layers..images

images (1)….layers of shirts, sweaters, coats, hats, scarf..don’t forget gloves…boots…earmuffs….

This last weekend has been fantabulous~~windows open, just jump in the car or head out for a walk, in a t-shirt~~that’s it!!

A brief thunderstorm this afternoon but lots of gardening. everything just feels better, lighter.

We are anxiously checking the plants we planted last fall…before the deep freeze. It’s sort of a waiting game to see what survived but enough is coming up to give us hope.

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A nap is an amazing thing

I am tired lately, worryingly tired…no matter how much I sleep I just want more…

That works pretty well in the winter when there’s not much else to do but now that spring has officially hit Chicago~I’ve got things to do, places to go~~~~

That’s where a good powernap comes in. Today after slacking at work all morning, walking with my group and then having an extended lunch at Stax I blew off work completely at 2pm and went home. I was soooo sleepy, embarrassingly sleepy in the middle of the day that I crawled in bed for a nap.photo-main

45 minutes and an iced coffee later I am raring to go!!

I guess it would come as no surprise that I was…have always been a champion sleeper…here’s the 411 on adult napping for brain power.

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In England we slept on the night shift and virtually every time I would think~I’ll never fall asleep~~~wrong! I never failed to sleep and even the 20 minute nap can get you through a long night shift!

Anyway,I have two major papers left to write for school and lots of gardening to do this weekend.

They are predicting 70 degrees tomorrow and I intend to enjoy every fucking minute even if it includes a nap in the garden!

 

contemplative

con·tem·pla·tive
kənˈtemplətiv/
adjective
adjective: contemplative
  1. expressing or involving prolonged thought.
“she regarded me with a contemplative eye
synonyms: thoughtfulpensivereflectivemeditative

I suppose I have more than a few things to consider~ job, school, moving, family. The common thread to the whole she-bang?

Why can’t I just settle down? Why am I always looking ahead instead of just enjoying the here and now?

I have friends and family who have lived in the same house for 10…20…30 years.

I have lived in the same state, the same country for 10 years but never the same house. I think the longest I have lived in a single apartment/house is…..6-7 years?

That’s an open question…

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There’s a place

somewhere across the pond, a little white house that has the most amazing sunsets

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I’ve been thinking a lot about this little house lately. Now that it is rented and almost all the repairs and renovations are done it is no longer a “problem”. It is for the time being, something that I can enjoy thinking about in terms of its place in my future.

I wonder if I will ever live there again, if it will become an income for me if when I retire or maybe I will sell it and put the proceeds towards that elusive dream I have been chasing my whole life~my til death do us part house.

It occurred to me that I have been paying on this house for nearly ten years, should be well into the principle of the mortgage…with a little effort I could speed that process up a little.

I am a “never say never” kind of person so who knows?

 

 

 

Lawyers up my ass

Honestly, what has my life come to???

I have a new lawyer who is writing strong letters before he sets about suing my old lawyer for legal malpractice.

2 years and 2 months ago I didn’t have any lawyer, didn’t need one because life was fucking fine.

Then I fell on a fucking puddle of water in the middle of a hallway at work and tore my fucking hamstring off the fucking bone.

My only other experience with lawyers was 14+ years ago when I got a divorce, it was equally unpleasant.

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I like my lawyer, I liked my divorce lawyer… heck, I liked the lawyer I will be suing. It just seems like there is something inherently dishonest and dirty about lawyers.