i rarely get teary about work…with all the sadness i have witnessed i always hold myself together. not today, i fought back the tears all the way home from london and just let it go when i got home.
what happened to make me so upset?? hard to say…or rather how many hours do you have to read my litany of slights, insults and generally having my opinion disregarded magnified by my sensitive nature and middle aged hormones?
i still can’t articulate it in a way that anyone else will understand but i think the general point is that i am not needed on this project for my expertise. as i told mr a, it feels like the admin person who takes the minutes of the meetings at least has her role…something she does and nobody messes with…
me? i’m just kind of a jill of all trades and master of none…quite a contrast to my role as a critical care nurse.
the last straw? having to tell the yucky evil stats woman what data she is supposed to analyze….pretty much gave her the best work i’ve done over the last 3-4 months on a silver platter…and the slap in the face?? i can’t even have a look at it…i’m a team player and it’s not like i feel like it’s MY data but…fucking hell? i just want to see how it looks and see if there are any glaring discrepancies….
well, i’ve just put myself out of a job…back to twiddling my thumbs…on the way back from london i considered my options~~~
- kill myself
- kill someone else
- clean my house top to bottom~including alphabetize my spices and fill up the new charity shop
- make some glass and sell it
- make some glass just for enjoyment
- make some glass for next years christmas presents
- dress up jack and cleo in funny outfits and post their pics on the internet
- start walking for excersise
- start walking alot…really far….so far that i have to take a train home
okay, maybe those are not such a good use of my professional time…
i know think my boss is still behind me but i am even having second thoughts about my presentation~~hearing comments today…not about me specifically but about my boss the whole thing.
over the weekend thinking about his comments i remembered when my kids brought me a picture they coloured with lots of wild scribbles and said “it’s a dog!” and i said “oh, that’s magnificent…of course it’s a dog”
so anyway, thanks to mr a, cleo, some meatloaf from M&S and one or two heinekens i’m able to make some realistic goals
- work on my 3000 word paper for my master’s module “qualitative research” which i just found out is being paid (including my next module)
- work on some proposals for my boss for me to work on such as: writing the manual for the project or outlining the intervention evaluations
mmmm, that’s it….then i start working on the first list from the bottom up~~~~~