the light went on during a train ride from manchester-part 2

we all, well, i assume all of us over 18 years old who have had a job or two….know that work is work. i used to tell my kids exactly that, it’s not supposed to be fun, it’s not play…yep, they call it work for a reason…and most of us would probably be more than happy to walk away and never look back….or at least rewrite the rules. there is a difference though, between the usual “i’d rather be fishing” feeling about work and a real dreading, soul destroying, “i’d rather give up eating and live in a cardboard box than go to work” feeling.

having gained my professional ethics in the military, i am a huge team player….that’s why i fit into nursing so well because healthcare is all about teams these days. nurses, including critical care nurses are the biggest bunch of complainers around. partly because of the nature of the work and partly because we tend to be a very vocal group. we figure if we can do what it takes to save a life, we are entitled to let anyone within earshot knoew what we don’t like.  having a very strong team ethic~~ even if you can’t stand the sight of another nurse…working a busy night shift on christmas goes a long way towards melting, at least temporarily, those negative feelings…maybe they should use that excersise in international diplomacy!!

working on a “team” of only 6 or 8 loosely associated people, each with a unique and sometimes conflicting agenda has been an eye opener for me. i’ve comented to my boss how odd it is for me coming fom a background where evrything is about the “Patient”. i have no problem making an ass of myself or bugging a doctor on his lunch because i can always say “it’s for my patient”. on this project, i’ve noticed that people keep information to themselves, they don’t share some things~~there is no “patient” ~~just a vague, faraway goal based on budgets and percentages.

at first i felt like it must be me, i was in a new, unfamiliar environment…gradually though i realized through talking to others that it wasn’t just me, others felt the same way. the turning point came in march, when i shared a taxi to the train station with a woman i both respect and like on a personal basis. as soon as we got in the taxi, she turned to me and said the project manager had been “openly hostile” towards her. imagine my surprise and relief…we shared a 1.5 hour train ride back from manchester with my boss, who was quite relaxed after a long day. he apologized at one point for being so “candid” (honest) but we all discussed the difficulties we’d had. imagine a doctor/professor and a phd/sociologist saying the same things i had been thinking/feeling????

at least i no longer felt like it was me…it’s the feeling of being alone in a difficult situation that destroys your ability to be rational.

2 thoughts on “the light went on during a train ride from manchester-part 2

  1. It is horrible to feel isolated like that. Makes you feel like you’re losing your sanity. At least you know you are perfectly sane!

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