i spent all day…and i ask my washing machine if you want to dispute that….cleaning, organizing and dusting…lots of dusting! i cleaned glass, polished and unpacked some books…my house is sparkling!!!
mr a quite astutely pointed out that me cleaning is not necessarily a good thing. in my case, cleaning indicates a strong need to gain control of what i percieve as the uncontrollable…. i have a support group
in the midst of this previously planned therapuetic cleaning marathon i recieved a call from my sister. let’s just say my sister has never called me in the last decade. we had a lovely visit when i was home in august and i love her and her family dearly but we don’t chat on the phone.
“dad died last night”
at first i thought she meant my step dad-the man with the broken back….but after a few more sentences i realized she meant “our dad”. it’s a long difficult story which can be summarized as the happiest childhood a girl could wish for and culminated at 16 with never seeing my dad again
i tried over the years but alcoholism, mental illness and plain old stuborness would not permit healing and adult relationships. i sent him photos of my kids but he seemed uninterested.
my siblings may feel differently but my dad was a creative, imaginative person. he taught me lots of interesting things and i actually owe my entire air force career to him.
i used to bug him in his workshop…asking what he was doing, can i do this, that or the other? he’d give me a job-half hoping i’d lose interest- but i would persevere.
when i took the air force test all the electronics he’d taught me….series v parallel circuits, capacitors, resistors, positve/negative charges etc came to the fore and i was in with an electronics job!
my dad left me as a teenager, he never fully came back into my life but i always hoped he would have a *lightbulb* moment where he would say he was sorry and ask for another chance to be a dad. now that chance is gone.