a life examined

don’t know where to start this…i’m getting used to hearing the descriptions of my dad’s life over the phone from my daughter. of course, she never met him and my memories of him are from so long ago that usually i can guess what her next words will be. for example, even though his house is in a dirty mess-when she said they went out to the garage i knew she would say it was clean and organized, filled with tools and expensive equipment.

the revelations of this visit are essentially that he did have assets-cash, cd’s and stocks which contradicts his insistance that he had no money and beggars belief that he would live in such sad circumstances and die of what the medical examiner implies was a treatable condition when he had the means to get medical care.

it’s not easy~~~it’s uncomfortable~~ to uncover bits and pieces of a persons life after they’ve died. i am wondering what people would think if i died and my family had to come in and open my drawers, my mail, go up in my loft and poke around my side room…

i can hear them saying why did she keep this~~i didn’t know she owed that much~~she kept my first grade art project?

because out of everything my daughter has told me so far i can’t help tearing up that she told me my dad had a photo of my sister and her family, my kids….. and me (in my uniform) hung up next to his organ.

i watched a very old version of a christmas carol the other night~ had a jacob marley flashback

i missed my chance-i could have done lots of little things to make an old man happy-i guess my message to others is just to make sure you let people know that you care.

4 thoughts on “a life examined

  1. i hope i die in my sleep at about 5 in the morning when everyone else is sleeping…then they can be well rested and ready to face the day because it is never pleasant.

    i do need some grandkids to keep me busy and off the sauce.

  2. One never knows. Hindsight is always 20/20. Sorry you have to go through this, but you have great support which means the world.
    LOVE that version of the classic film…it is the best. I would watch it soon, but I really loathe this time of year and more so now.

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