life changes

i haven’t stopped since my trip to portsmouth-unfortunately the morning was foggy but i did get a nice view of the sea from the 5th floor of the hospital. the doctor was lovely and now that i have passed the halfway mark of my visits i am starting to put together a small but extremely detailed database. i’m struggling to get to the magic “21” sites so i’ve resorted to begging, calling in favors and contacting other units at hospitals i’ve already visited…it’s not against the rules!

da boss has asked if i would come back next october to present a poster at the same conference i presented at last year-it will be in berlin. i would and bring my german mammy witih me

i worked this weekend-one regular shift and one extra shift. on the first day i ran my tail off taking care of two ladies. one was from west heath and we had a lovely little chat about the co-op, the new tesco and everything west heathen. i’m always keen to hear what places were like years ago…and she told me all about it and was very pleasant.

i did everything i could to get her out to the ward and home…coaxed her to eat a few bites of food…drink a little nutrition shake and got her out to the chair ~~ she pressed the button to give herself some morphine but started to get a little loopy. i took the button away but she remained confused …in a pleasant and silly way. her family were concerned but i assured them and truly believed myself that her confusion was due to the morphine.

during the night she became more aggressive and in the morning her tummy got firm and tender. the surgeons believed her bowel had perforated~~~ the decision was made not to operate again. they made her DNR, started a morphine infusion and she probably died last night.

this is not the first time i have seen such a rapid decline~~ but for me~~it underlines my decsion to leave bedside nursing. as much as i love my patients and try to do the best for them~i am becoming too sympathetic-too close

we use birthdates to identify patients and it seems like 9 out of ten when i see their birthdate it rings a bell for me~~either they are a year older than me ~~6 months younger than my son~~or like this lady a few weeks younger than my mom…

did i mention i have a desk in a cubicle in my new job???

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