divorce-a touchy subject

marriage and even more so, divorce is one subject that everyone has a shifting opinion on….depending on which end of the scale you are on.

the scale being roughly:

never married but would like to be because it sounds like so much fun!

never married but will go along with the concept because i want to have a 50/50 chance at being successful raising my own family

newly married and loving it!!

newly married and wondering if this is all there is and it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be

established marriage and loving it!

established marriage and thinking  the only choice is to stick with it til death do you part (that was one of the vows wasn’t it?)

established marriage and wondering where the escape hatch is…

end of the marriage and feeling emotionally battered and war weary

end of the marriage and loving it!


i have been divorced for 11 years, been through all those stages and i now sometimes go through them with friends or co workers or listen to other peoples stories. it’s a real mixed bag of emotions to get divorced-happy to be rid of the other person but sad because it didn’t work out…lots of finger pointing and self blame. one day coping/optimistic and the next doubting every decision you’ve ever made.

my observations about this touchy subject?

  • there’s only one thing worse than being single~~ being unhappily married
  • i didn’t get married to have a ring on my finger or be mrs. so and so~~i got married to make a home with my best friend~~ if that ain’t gonna happen it’s time to move on
  • it’s like taking off a band-aid~~ it will hurt like hell for a few minutes but will heal better exposed to the air
  • of the 50% of marriages that do go on~~i think only half of those people are actually “happy”

obviously, through lots of counseling and time and soul searching marriage is not high on my list of things to be endured. call me cynical…

this is for you julie!! (no video just music )

Sometimes it feels like you will never win
Just when you’re ready to pack it all in
You tear it all down and start over again
But I’m not down for the first time
Maybe I’ll always be the one and only girl for me

I never minded the rain on my face
I knew the sun lived in some other place
I had to go I just needed the space
But I’m not down for the first time
Maybe I’ll always be the one and only girl for me

Sometimes your life isn’t going too well
Sometimes it reads like a postcard from hell
I’ve made my mistakes, I suppose you can tell
Some lives read like a postcard
And some lives read like a book
I’ll be happy if mine
Doesn’t read like a joke from an old Christmas cracker

4 thoughts on “divorce-a touchy subject

  1. tracy, can i give you a big thank you too? i needed to see these words today, more than you know…. the legal gears are starting to expensively turn, and i am terrified, angry, sad, weepy, angry, depressed, angry….

    i will post soon — so much i don’t even know where to start.
    but thank you for your concise and “spot-on” wise voice of experience. you give me hope i will make it to the other side of this.

  2. lynette i thought about you after i posted this…

    kirsty maccolls song (electric ladyland) were a huge comfort in my immediate post divorce days

    i advocate to all women i know that you have to accept that you may be a single parent at some point~~you may be on your own for the rest of your days

    that is not the worst thing that can happen!

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