blew my cool

i am generally quite a relaxed person. people have commented after various rescusitation episodes that i was very “calm”…fucking hell, i tell them maybe i am calm on the outside but on the inside my heart is pounding and my mind racing anticipating the next step.

i used to be a screamer…screaming at my (ex)husband….screaming at the kids…screaming at myself

but i tell people who know me now and can’t believe i ever raised my voice that i got divorced and my kids grew up~i have no reason to scream anymore

i now work in a very “calm” office environment but i am finding out the difficulty of working in a small office. personality clashes, the way it’s always been done, territory issues…

but hey, my boss described me in an email today as “delightfully laidback” so i figure i can cope with this.

until today when we had an informal meeting and i brought up an issue i have been requesting to “change” for months.

i think it was the spontaneity, my aching leg and growing anxiety about monday on top of misinformed, controlling opposition that made me temporarily loose my otherwise meticulous professional demeanor.

the co worker on my side said later she was suprised to see me so adamant at my position. my manager even said-let’s just give her what she wants~~

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