backing off

I am in a “relationship” with a man….we are both “mature”….we both have lots of “baggage”.
He was a little slow to realize that we were in fact in a “relationship”~ but aren’t they all?
Lately he is vaguely talking about living together, meeting his son, trust and “our” future together.
He doesn’t realize I have heard it all before…
It’s that old strategy men use to make women try just a little harder…the ultimate example is the 300 sandwiches woman.
He thinks he is one step ahead but really he is one step behind. He spends a lot of time telling me about his tall, blond, marathon running, certifiably insane, ex wife…the house he lurvvved and sold for her…how he used to own his own business and had a lot of money….notice past tense?
The fact is, I don’t need to lift a finger, lose 16 ounces or entertain his family to deserve his love-he is lucky to be with me.
In fact, all this living together hype has kept me from settling into the house that I own but he refuses to visit. I’m rejecting that “waiting woman” syndrome.
This week is officially “me and my house” week! Let the picture hanging begin!

6 thoughts on “backing off

  1. I think that sounds wonderful… I can’t wait till the time is right to make my home mine…

    And yes, he is very lucky. I am happy for you that you have found someone to spend time with, and I hope you are finding happiness in it. Don’t ever forget he is lucky!

    I think most men are positive we all want a ring on our finger and commitment and they say these things to “warn us off”. But don’t forget to pay attention — it is my experience that men say what they mean, and that we women sometimes try to read between the lines… when sometimes there are no spaces between the lines. It is also my experience that by middle age, it’s the men that want the commitment and the “being taken care of”, and the women are kinda tired of it… But that’s me 🙂

  2. lyn, I think you are right on two counts-women always want to read between the lines and usually there is nothing there to read and…
    older men do want to be taken care of~ forgetting that their female partner has been doing that since as long as she can remember…
    I actually made my tech geek a table from FWB> GF> Partner> Wife, the benefits and responsibilities at each level.
    I have reminded him that what he was asking for…errands, etc was not in my job description as a girlfriend. It’s really up to me to draw the line which would be something I’d missed in the past.

  3. Oh, that’s too funny, the table! I love it! I had been seeing someone for a few months, and he was acting as if I was his wife and I kept saying his expectations were way out of proportion to the stage of our relationship… Anyway, he didn’t get it, and I’m pretty sure the relationship is done.

    Maybe he needed a chart! He is a programmer. Every guy who I date ends up being a programmer… I don’t think I have a type, but I think I’m a type for programmers…

  4. It is a man I am very close to who has convinced me that men say what they mean. Mostly, he believes the ‘smart’ ones (himself included) are actually too stupid or clueless to say things they don’t mean…not unless they’re really needy and are very much trying to do just what a woman wants them to do. He would also say there is nothing to read between the lines and that women generally spend too much time (over) analysing the things that come out of men’s mouths.

    He also believes the man that I’ve been seeing for the past six weeks believes we are in a relationship even if he hasn’t said anything about relationships yet and that men’s and women’s ideas of what constitutes a relationship are astly different – one is not necessarily right or wrong it’s just trying to get a meeting of the minds, so to speak…

    Well, anyway, glad to know that picture-hanging is underway! Interestingly, after 2 1/2 years in this house, that’s what I’m about to do – hang up a few more of my pictures.

  5. I guess I’m not surprised that you both get it. I’m really angry at myself for so easily giving away too much. I am proud that I am catching on quicker with each relationship.

    • I think it’s really hard to see when you’re in it. Don’t be hard on yourself 🙂

      My best friend is a guy, we’ve known each other 25 years and were never romantically involved, and he keeps me more alert than I would be otherwise, and even then…. My most recent relationship (which I need to post more about) was really confusing, because I found myself in a role reversal with him acting “like the girl”.

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