not the day I planned

I woke up planned

I jumped into my homework with my very first sip of coffee…as planned

I finished up after 4 hours of brain busting …as planned

As I was moving onto my next planned activity I was called by my son, my only child that still speaks to his dad. My son told me his dad who has a strong attraction to mood altering substances, was “flipping out”…”having an “anxiety attack” …there were several descriptions of his behavior and what might be causing it.

My son lives in New York, my ex lives here so in the end I asked my son-“do you want me to go over there?, I will do it for you, not for him”. He asked and I went.

That’s how over 10 years of being comfortably detached from my ex-I got sucked back in.

I knew this would happen which is why I resisted my son’s casual comments about “having a cup of coffee with dad”. I met with ex, he actually looked better than I thought. His mind is on its way out though…as most drug users get in their mid 50’s. He’s on a continuous loop of inappropriate commentary about his favorite subject-him. It’s funny to hear him acknowledge that he is a “narcissist” and without pause go on talking about himself.

I spent an hour or so and confirmed that he didn’t need to go to a hospital. I remained amazingly calm-no yelling or screaming which proves what I tell people. I told him everything I had to say during our exceptionally long separation…over and over again…at full volume.

I’m proud to say I am truly over it. I don’t let him off the hook when it comes to the kids but there is nothing I can say that could make him feel worse than he already does. Mostly, I feel sorry for him.

I left him dodging his request for my phone number, went on to my other chores which included a stop at pet smart. I thought about getting him a cat to keep him company.

3 thoughts on “not the day I planned

  1. Proud of you! I went 6 years without seeing my ex and we had an amicable split – I was still nervous as hell about seeing him again…your second to last paragraph says it all. 🙂

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