The reality of being a caregiver

Today was the day, the big coming home day. Within 48 hours of my tenant moving out the apartment was habitable. This required help from both my sons and me taking the afternoon off to finish unpacking some essentials.

We still are missing a shower curtain and other miscellaneous items but there are beds with sheets and pillows and blankets-food in the fridge- and it’s clean.

I had an appointment to get my taxes done at 4pm so I was wondering if my brother would be ready to go at 2.30 as discussed or should I wait till after my visit to H&R block. No call from the hospital and it took me 2 calls to get through to his nurse.

When I posed my question she giggled a little and said “the pharmacy is going to do their thing” so she advised me to come after my appointment. I wasn’t really instilled with confidence by her response so I called the social worker just to make sure that his discharge wasn’t getting pushed back to Friday.

The social worker confirmed that all his supplies had been ordered from pharmacy and agreed that it was probably better to plan on coming after my tax appointment.I had some additional clinical questions and she said she would have the Nurse Practitioner call me-which she did very promptly and after our friendly conversation AGAIN agreed it was probably better to come after the appointment because he had so many supplies ordered it might take awhile.

Assuming that on of these professionals would communicate this to my brother I toddled off to the tax man early hoping to get to the hospital by 5.

Imagine my shock when I received this email:

You have my phone number and you have my email address.  You can email from your phone.  When did you plan to tell me that there had been a change in plans?


Am I supposed to sit by the door with everything packed up waiting for you all afternoon?


Tracy, I’m starting to see a pattern here.  Do you even consider me human?  Do you think that I don’t have the same wants, needs and feelings that you have?


I depend on the staff for my survival.  When you call and antagonize them all it does it makes it harder for me.  Is that your intention?


I’m not trying to make you responsible for me.  I’m not looking for a mother hen or asking you to adopt me and treat me like one of your kids.  I just need a place to sleep and a flat spot that I can work on.


If that’s too much to ask, say the word and I’ll move into ECC and put in for emergency housing.

Really? I had to look at the name, date etc to make sure I was reading this right. it wasn’t just this he went on and on over several emails basically to tell me what a horrible person I am.

I’m really hurt that Easter was mysteriously canceled.  Was it canceled for everyone or just me?
I’m also really hurt that on several occasions you said you were going to stop by and then didn’t show up, not even bothering to contact me.
I’ve been looking forward to getting out of this place for a long time.  I’m really, really hurt that you not only don’t show up when you said you would, you make no attempt to contact me, treat me like the village fucking idiot and leave me sitting here all afternoon without a clue.

I cut short my appointment and raced to the hospital only to have him say the same thing to my face-that I have pissed off every staff member and ignored his needs and basically abandoned him.

I am so stressed out-I burst into tears-I kept saying “I’m sorry”..I explained all the conversations I had and how I bit my tongue about some of the shitty nurses I dealt with over the past 3 weeks but no, I’m the bad guy??? “how many times do I have to say I’m sorry ?”

He hugged me and tried to cheer me up but I kept thinking:

  1. Maybe this is why his ex wives and daughters don’t speak to him
  2. Why do so many men think they can treat me like this?

It’s amazing how people change when they have a little oxygen flowing to their brain

3 thoughts on “The reality of being a caregiver

  1. OMG!! TRacy I am sooo sorry!! I had no idea!! I find this kind of behaviour more with men..I don’t know if they have just been raised to not censor themselves or that most women are more in the ‘group” mental;ity so we think about the other guy (sometimes too much?)… aarrgghhh!!!

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