Father of the Year…NOT!

My brother has two daughters from two different marriages. Wife number one was a high school romance and daughter number one is almost 40 years old. He was apparently fooling around with wife #2 while still with wife #1…messy. Daughter #2 is in her early 30’s and just got married in June.

One of the first big disagreements I had with my brother was regarding child support. Wife #1, who I knew very well, went on to marry a nice Christian man who had custody of his 3 children and they went on to have two more children together. Big happy family! My brother however refused to pay child support because he insisted that his now ex wife would spend “his money” on “all the other kids”. I told him that knowing her I personally did not believe she would do that but also legally that is not a reason to just stop paying-I told him if he felt that strongly then he could buy my niece some new shoes or a winter coat or put the money in a joint account but he had to show some effort to support his daughter.

I insist that he spent most of his adult life nursing this grudge with wife #1 and avoiding work that may have been garnished to pay the child support. It all came back and bit him sharply in the ass when he was in China a few years ago and he attempted to renew his passport and they confiscated it until he coughed up $11k in back child support. Ouch!

He actually was more involved with daughter #2  mostly because he was unemployed (see above) and wife #2 never had more kids and hadn’t been cheated on so slightly less axe to grind.

Through the mysterious grapevine that is my family-my estranged sister, brother and mother have information that my brother is “dying”. Not sure how that happened, certainly did not come from me but that’s between them.

My nieces knew their father (who they refer to with his first name M) was back in the states. They rather bluntly expressed to my daughter that they had absolutely no desire to revisit that unfulfilling relationship.

Last week they were informed by my youngest brother that M is close to death. So out of the blue they were texting my daughter and me for the “real story”. I shared the facts and even a photo of him but I was clear that if they thought cancer had softened his razor sharp barbs and vindictiveness they would be sadly mistaken.

Daughter #1 wrote:

“Is he still a racist asshole who laughs at people who are in pain or is he better that that now he is dying?”

Um,  yes and no.

They offered me support-said I was a saint for taking care of him, that he’s in good hands and that if he gets “sappy” and asks for them maybe they would come see him. I would say he’s still a long way off from that as he informed me this week he took himself off his fentanyl patch and the pain is “not so bad”. He has repeatedly told me he is pushing this “death thing” out as far as he can. You would think this would include some major relationship mending? Or not….

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