2016 was not a good year

In fact I will contend that it was in the top 5 worst years of my whole life. And when you compare it with the year my parents got divorced and the year I found out (with three small children) that my husband of 15 years was addicted to heroin that’s some pretty stiff competition.

I’m not sure if i mentioned how it started – although technically it was the last week of 2015 it set the whole year off with a bang…or should I say squeak.

My then boyfriend, roommate, potential soulmate left for Christmas to visit his family on the east coast-totally fine, his parents are getting old and he wants to spend time with them. What wasn’t fine is that we had seen a few mice before he left and with his usual carefree, nothing will go wrong attitude he said he would wait til he got back to call an exterminator.

I’m all for taking responsibility and in this case I failed to express my very deep disgust for mice.

So we both have our nice respective Christmases except the day after he is still with his family but I am alone in his apartment. So, feeling a little lonely I take a nap and then go to run a bath. As I glance at the sink, I see this:img_0771

Now I don’t have great vision these days but I know something is up so I get closer to see what this is and of course what it is is a mouse-in the bathroom sink!

IMG_0772

I text this photo to boyfriend and this is where his supreme lack of concern takes on epic proportions-he replies “How cute!”

By the time he realizes that was probably not the best choice of responses I have my bags packed waiting for my sons to pick up my stuff.

This becomes the 2016 “mouse incident”. It becomes my go to example of how little regard he has for me.

At this time we are co-owners of a medical cannabis associated business which is having lots of issues and everything becomes more complicated and strained since we don’t talk to each other for most of January and February.

He periodically takes sides against me in the business and resorts to screaming at me and criticizing my lack of business knowledge-I’m just a “government worker”–I don’t have any management skills…even though I was only supposed to be an investor and have a full time job already.

By April, we kind of make up and I have surgery looming so he mans up and says he will take care of me afterward especially since I wasn’t able to drive for 6 weeks. The surgery went as well as could be expected but hey, surgery is not pleasant under any circumstances.

The undercurrent throughout this whole period is of course the presidential campaign and for whatever crazy reason my hippie peace loving boyfriend was enamoured and sucked in to the Trump bullshit. I really just ignored most of it thinking that he was either A) trying to get a rise out of me or B) just wanting attention by posting Trump shit on facebook. Either way, I tried to ignore it and honestly I don’t care who people voted for but I draw the line at listening to fake news at breakfast. Some of the insane items he tried to force down my throat were 1) Hilary had a neurological condition 2) Michelle Obama was a man 3)Michelle Obama never gave birth 4) of course Barack Obama was not born in the US 5) climate change is not real…

I give him credit for taking some good photos of my incision, img_1094picked me up promptly from work~~~~but I still did an awful lot for myself and for him during that time.

The other shoe dropped on July 15, 2016. the day of the attempted coup d’etat in Turkey. we were with his son at Chipoltle and still taking in the whole situation. Again keeping in mind that I lived in Turkey for one year, I have friends there and I just visited in 2015 and he knows that. He went on to tell his son that everyone who had been killed in the coup were Muslims and nobody should be surprised because the Koran tells Muslims to “kill”. WTF??? what the bloody fucking hell??

On the way home when I expressed my displeasure at his total disregard for facts and disputed his broad sweeping generalizations…he screamed at me me that I was “naive” and not as informed as him.

Again, I packed my belongings and left while he laid on the sofa playing with his phone. no apology. Later his excuse was that he’s Italian, he shouts, get over it.

in addition to this drama, my daughter got a divorce and my brother was undergoing chemo and all that associated palova.

The year has ended-the business has closed and I am single. i recently told my ex that I used to put up with bullshit in relationships, I have been trapped in unhappy relationships because of financial/legal constraints but no more. I have a home, a home he refused to live in and rarely even visited.

2017 is off to a good start. I got a bonus at work based on an excellent performance review, got a big fat tax refund, recovered some of the money I lost on the business and enjoying my grandson. I have a few vacation plans swirling around in my head~~

  • California drive vs fly. obviuosly driving makes it a cross country trek
  • England-canal boat
  • European vacation-fly to England, Eurostar to Paris, rent a car and drive to Italy. Stay in a quiet place in Italy and reverse.

 

back to school! er, I mean back to work!!!

The move, the transition from living/working in Chicago to New York City is complete…all that is left is being handed my new ID badge at orientation tomorrow morning! It’s become apparent during the “on-boarding” process that I actually accepted this position back in May-May 8th to be exact- I saw the offer letter last week.

No one can say this was a lightening fast, flash decision, in fact it almost didn’t happen at several junctures for many different reasons but every time I felt it was the best thing to do at that particular moment-given the complicated circumstances.

I suppose the “correctness” of any major life changing event is understanding how you got “there”~whatever, wherever “there” is. As I sit here, at this moment in time, on the eve of starting a new job I feel pretty good about the whole thing. Basically, my old job had become untenable-I am still working on a lawsuit against (not the hospital) the lawyer who missed the deadline to sue the hospital, my old boss left and was replaced by a very naive, pollyanna director who would have driven me crazy. On this end I have been welcomed into a very stable, organized department at a verrrrry posh hospital (#1 in NYC).

Of course there are trade-offs-in this case: my garden, my boyfriend, my cat.

Too soon to know how it will all play out but I am hopeful!!!

it’s a done deal

I’m looking at a rapidly approaching “last day” at my current employer. Started a series of good-byes, slyly dodging the going away/leaving do/farewell parties-mainly because I will probably cry. I will officially be unemployed on August 15th.

I have a new job-I just don’t have a NY state nursing license-I am hoping to start Sept 2. I welcome two weeks off to pack, move, paint and settle in. More than two weeks and I will be a very irritable, anxious crazy person.

My lovely but sometimes frustrating manfriend has suddenly come around to the strength of our relationship…he wants us to live together, I’ve been cooking Sunday dinners for him, his son and a few friends and I am invited to his nieces wedding in October. Everything I wanted for the last 3 years.

Hrmph!! A little late, love.

I am outta here, exhausted all options, no turning back-now he can yearn, explore his options and work some magic to join me on the east coast.

At the end of the day, I picture myself retiring in 10 years on a few acres of land in a small village in upstate New York. It would be nice to have a guitar playing hippie share my life. We would make fantastic grandparents together!!

 

Cat lesson

This break up stuff is hard. I’m somewhere between denial and bargaining.

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It would be so easy to just give in…he tried very hard to put lots of excuses and corrections to what I’ve said. It would be so easy to just suppress my feelings, forget those subtle but stinging comments.

When I was young I was more than happy to embrace my boyfriend/husbands life-his likes and dislikes, agree with his version of the world and always make the necessary changes to keep everyone happy.

I’m way past that.

The reality is that if I walk away from this relationship, I will die a single woman.

There will be no more relationships. This one was a lucky fluke but I won’t be putting myself out there again.

I’m working on plans/projects for the next few months. Isn’t that what they say you should do?

Reasons why you should break up

Break up mistakes

What not to do after a break up

Closing a chapter

I have ended a few relationships, I have probably been dumped twice as many times. Through the many hard years of my separation I had a few songs that kept me going and I still go there~

This song came on the radio when I was chauffeuring my ex, I turned up the radio hoping he would get it…he didn’t

In the late 80’s,  I craved independence, craved having a life, my life. I sang and danced this…

then there’s always this