After living in England for 8 years, working as a nurse for 7 years and 180 days and having a small house over there… I maintain a precarious immigration status called ILR-Indefinite Leave to Remain.

It’s more than a work permit but less than citizenship. In the event that I eventually want to exercise my right to apply for British citizenship I will have to show:

  • Indefinite leave to remain or “equivalent” for this purpose must have been held for 12 months
  • the applicant must intend to continue to live in the UK or work overseas for the UK government or a British corporation or association
  • the same “good character” standards apply as for those married to British citizens
  • the same language and knowledge of life in the UK standards apply as for those married to British citizens

There is a caveat to ILR in that “intend to live in the UK”  is generally interpreted as no more than 2 years without a visit. So I have visited my friends and house/tenants 3 times in the past 6 years for the all important passport stamp in my second/expired passport that holds my ILR.

Once again in January, I traveled to England like I was just sporting off to the other side of town. Seriously, I have made this trip so many times it’s like second nature. On this trip I really thought about how this is the only place, of the many I have visited, that I have returned to again and again.

I have lots of emotional connections to this particular part of England and there are several friends I love to see

Maybe someday I’ll move back there…

Caregiver’s Holiday

I am at loose ends

being hit from all sides-because it’s not not like I’m some spinster with nothing and nobody else to worry about…

I have a full-time job, 3 adult children in various stages of divorce, under-employment, quarter life angst….and  a boyfriend who just wants me to be “close to him”. Really?

Did I mention I have my own surgery coming up April 28th?

The reality is I am close to tears most of the time as in all day, every day. Almost anything anyone says to me-good, bad or indifferent (hate indifferent) sets off a cascade of physical reactions. My heart races and my head gets very warm. I can’t think, I pace, I mumble and take deep breaths.

Recognizing this crisis situation, I now have an appointment with a counselor on Monday. I’m not sure I will make it to Monday or if counseling will help. Today I considered calling the vets crisis line…I am a vet…Xanax seems like a good option.

Oh, wait-I titled this post “caregiver’s holiday” and forgot that I actually went away overnight last weekend. Feeling the need to escape and disappear I booked a posh room at a nice hotel about 100 miles away for BF (boyfriend) and me. The hotel was fab, he was mediocre. No, I do not feel rested or rejuvenated – the room as nice as it was did not have a bath…

I’m back to the same incessant demands-my brother is now complaining about the water pressure in my house. Not once but several times…with links to wikipedia and plumbers.

He is now 5 weeks in and is feeling the effects of the chemo and radiation. He says he is cold all the time-he has a space heater set at 82 degrees and still wears a hoodie. The radiation is causing swelling in his neck and he is coughing a lot.

The silver lining on this dark, dark cloud is that we are entering birthday season in the Inner Fire family. Everyone except my daughter in law has birthdays between now and June 24th. The plan is to squeeze in as many summer nights around this puppy as we can!




Bear with me while I….

it’s been awhile- about a year actually

since I last wrote a post on this blog.

A lot has happened and I think I have a lot to say

One thing that happened today was that I was standing on the L platform waiting for the train to take me one stop to work and the screen said October 15. I was thinking that seemed familiar, did it mean something, did I forget something, should I be doing something?

Then I remembered it is my ex boyfriends birthday.


Happy Birthday Roy


okay, so sometimes real life becomes more important than online life. I have essentially dropped off the online grid-no blog, no facebook, no twitter and believe it or not…I just spent the last 24 hours without my phone!

imagine that…no texting, no email, no ability to call anyone

and I loved it!!!

over the last week or so I have also missed sharing some pretty cool stuff…

so be prepared!

I’m baaaaack!!

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adjective: contemplative
  1. expressing or involving prolonged thought.
“she regarded me with a contemplative eye
synonyms: thoughtfulpensivereflectivemeditative

I suppose I have more than a few things to consider~ job, school, moving, family. The common thread to the whole she-bang?

Why can’t I just settle down? Why am I always looking ahead instead of just enjoying the here and now?

I have friends and family who have lived in the same house for 10…20…30 years.

I have lived in the same state, the same country for 10 years but never the same house. I think the longest I have lived in a single apartment/house is…..6-7 years?

That’s an open question…

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blogging has changed

I think I started blogging in 2009? No, actually it was before that. It was all kind of informal and I enjoyed connecting with regular people who shared their thoughts and jokes and stuff like that. We liked and commented on each others post and it was fun, chummy…personal.
Now it seems so…..professional! I feel like my insignificant experiences are pretty pale in comparison to others. For example, one guy is now following me but when I went to his blog it’s all this motivational BS about how to make money online?? I watched his video

ummm, I’m not looking to market myself. I’m not looking to make money online-I have a job, a very successful job making sure the patients at my hospital don’t get infections, thank you very much Joe.
I suppose it’s great that Joe will get to move to his tropical paradise and still be able to make money online but I think I will just carry on sharing my thoughts and connecting with other people who aren’t looking for an easy path.
I don’t really need followers like Joe and if I have no followers at all? That’s fine with me.