Hot summer with cancer

My brother backed out of our camping trip. afterward he said it was because he didn’t feel like traveling with my new ex boyfriend but I have no doubt that it was because I lost my temper and called him out on his selfish behavior.

Last week I reached my limit with my boyfriend-besides having some wonderful qualities and generally taking very good care of me after my surgery he has a very irritating superiority complex which turns verbally abusive at times.

That’s two men bullying me around…and I’m no fucking wallflower.

My brother is still sick-very sick with Stage 4 tongue cancer-Nothing has changed there. His second round of chemo was delayed 2 weeks but has been completed. He is thin, struggles to eat and can’t really get out much due to the sun and heat.

Now that I am back living with him the full extent of his life is becoming clear. He seems to want to chat but I am grieving the end of my relationship and not really in a shoot the shit kind of mood. I try to avoid coming home after work and hide in my room the rest of the night

Last Tuesday night, I came home and surprisingly my brother did not make a beeline to me as soon as I hit the door. I set up a new air conditioner and went to his room to show him the new equipment. I found him slumped in his chair almost unresponsive. He did get up and stumbled to the kitchen, slurred his words, looked like he was going to fall over. I spent the rest of the night waiting for the “thud” when he fell to the ground.

I assumed he doubled up on his pain meds-who can blame him?

His long period of near coma must have been very restful because he was up at 5.30 the next morning re-arranging the furniture! he came in my room about 6.45 with a full breakfast on a tray….very nice gesture but not well received.

On the next 3 days I came home from work to find the furniture re-arranged. I finally told him I am unnerved to come home and have things changed for no reason. I found some stuff in my son’s apartment and when I brought it back – my brother said “oh, you wanted that there?”

Argggghhhh! I do the same dance to accommodate everyone else’s preference but this is gradually coming to an end. Cancer or no Cancer!!



summer thunderstorm

This afternoon I realized that I should have been starting my new job in New York city today. Instead I was still slaving away, doing jobs I’m not paid for thanks to the my current employer who let me stay when my license got messed up.

I interviewed for a job at the financially strapped public hospital where I currently work…just in case. The position is in the Colo-rectal department. Eewww, sounds pretty grim, eh? But it has significantly more direct patient contact and I am a sucker for a patient with a horrible cancer…In addition, they want to expand their “pelvic floor” services…maybe I could get some tips to avoid that diagnosis?

Anyway, tonight, on this warm August night in the middle of this glorious summer-just when the calender has turned the page and one realizes that this weather just may not last forever…a storm! Complete with lightening, waves of rolling thunder and pounding rain.

I anticipate a good night’s sleep.



Goodbye Maximus and Niko…

Apparently, we name our snowstorms this year…like hurricanes. Rumor is that Orion is on its way with between 4 and 20 inches of snow. Yes, someone actually told me that someone heard somewhere that we could get 20 more inches  of snow early next week!!!

I’m pretty much losing my marbles, snow is piled up everywhere, the roads are down from two lanes to one, sidewalks are treacherous. There’s only one solution-a complete delusional trip to fool’s paradise…via youtube!!


zucchini, sweat and melons

i was supposed to accompany the gardeners out to the community plot this morning to help with the weeding…but it was raining.

so we came back and i had a lounge in bed….around 11am though, the sun came out and i was feeling mighty lazy so i gallantly offered to do the weeding on my own.

in the outdoor sauna called chicago in august ~~ i should have thought twice…here’s me at the end of 45 minutes of weeding

i think the sweat was dripping off my chin after this pic

i don’t think i;ll be using that on my internet dating profile…here’s the basket of weeds i pulled

we  are growing an artichoke and here is a nice photo of that…not sure we will ever see an artichoke from this plant but i think that’s why they have those jars of lovely marinated artichokes for sale at the grocery store…

R T choke

here’s our most promising candidate…a melon…still green but won’t be long before i’ll be raving about the difference between home grown and store bought melons…

shy melon

now while i was tying the cucumbers to the trellis, this fell off~~

unidentified vegetable

i thought it was a very small watermelon….but when we cut it open it looked more like a swollen zucchini…we put it in a salad and it tasted like zucchini

my weed pulling experience was at least as strenuous as the 50 minutes i spend on the treadmill these days, i did have to quit because i was afraid i was going to pass out and nobody would find me!

did i mention the mosquitos???

two days off… can i have two weeks?

i had plans to do lots of gardening this weekend but the hot sun made me think twice. my mom wanted to see my bark success so this is one of the things i did accomplish!

i know not very spectacular but i think it makes the flower bed look much neater and it should keep the weeds down….

i have another busy week…no traveling except to a safety congress which is very conveniently being held in birmingham! i have finally been given a survey to analyze…i am doing the first one and then there’s only 2 or 3 hundred more! as far as i know they will all have to be done individually and could have been started months ago…not good project management!

speaking of the project manager….she is off on holiday…in california! left it for the rest of us to sort out stuff for this congress…

nothing comes between a publically funded project manager and her holidays!

anyway, off for a meeting with my boss this morning and then a cervical screen (pap smear) this afternoon…