2016 was not a good year

In fact I will contend that it was in the top 5 worst years of my whole life. And when you compare it with the year my parents got divorced and the year I found out (with three small children) that my husband of 15 years was addicted to heroin that’s some pretty stiff competition.

I’m not sure if i mentioned how it started – although technically it was the last week of 2015 it set the whole year off with a bang…or should I say squeak.

My then boyfriend, roommate, potential soulmate left for Christmas to visit his family on the east coast-totally fine, his parents are getting old and he wants to spend time with them. What wasn’t fine is that we had seen a few mice before he left and with his usual carefree, nothing will go wrong attitude he said he would wait til he got back to call an exterminator.

I’m all for taking responsibility and in this case I failed to express my very deep disgust for mice.

So we both have our nice respective Christmases except the day after he is still with his family but I am alone in his apartment. So, feeling a little lonely I take a nap and then go to run a bath. As I glance at the sink, I see this:img_0771

Now I don’t have great vision these days but I know something is up so I get closer to see what this is and of course what it is is a mouse-in the bathroom sink!


I text this photo to boyfriend and this is where his supreme lack of concern takes on epic proportions-he replies “How cute!”

By the time he realizes that was probably not the best choice of responses I have my bags packed waiting for my sons to pick up my stuff.

This becomes the 2016 “mouse incident”. It becomes my go to example of how little regard he has for me.

At this time we are co-owners of a medical cannabis associated business which is having lots of issues and everything becomes more complicated and strained since we don’t talk to each other for most of January and February.

He periodically takes sides against me in the business and resorts to screaming at me and criticizing my lack of business knowledge-I’m just a “government worker”–I don’t have any management skills…even though I was only supposed to be an investor and have a full time job already.

By April, we kind of make up and I have surgery looming so he mans up and says he will take care of me afterward especially since I wasn’t able to drive for 6 weeks. The surgery went as well as could be expected but hey, surgery is not pleasant under any circumstances.

The undercurrent throughout this whole period is of course the presidential campaign and for whatever crazy reason my hippie peace loving boyfriend was enamoured and sucked in to the Trump bullshit. I really just ignored most of it thinking that he was either A) trying to get a rise out of me or B) just wanting attention by posting Trump shit on facebook. Either way, I tried to ignore it and honestly I don’t care who people voted for but I draw the line at listening to fake news at breakfast. Some of the insane items he tried to force down my throat were 1) Hilary had a neurological condition 2) Michelle Obama was a man 3)Michelle Obama never gave birth 4) of course Barack Obama was not born in the US 5) climate change is not real…

I give him credit for taking some good photos of my incision, img_1094picked me up promptly from work~~~~but I still did an awful lot for myself and for him during that time.

The other shoe dropped on July 15, 2016. the day of the attempted coup d’etat in Turkey. we were with his son at Chipoltle and still taking in the whole situation. Again keeping in mind that I lived in Turkey for one year, I have friends there and I just visited in 2015 and he knows that. He went on to tell his son that everyone who had been killed in the coup were Muslims and nobody should be surprised because the Koran tells Muslims to “kill”. WTF??? what the bloody fucking hell??

On the way home when I expressed my displeasure at his total disregard for facts and disputed his broad sweeping generalizations…he screamed at me me that I was “naive” and not as informed as him.

Again, I packed my belongings and left while he laid on the sofa playing with his phone. no apology. Later his excuse was that he’s Italian, he shouts, get over it.

in addition to this drama, my daughter got a divorce and my brother was undergoing chemo and all that associated palova.

The year has ended-the business has closed and I am single. i recently told my ex that I used to put up with bullshit in relationships, I have been trapped in unhappy relationships because of financial/legal constraints but no more. I have a home, a home he refused to live in and rarely even visited.

2017 is off to a good start. I got a bonus at work based on an excellent performance review, got a big fat tax refund, recovered some of the money I lost on the business and enjoying my grandson. I have a few vacation plans swirling around in my head~~

  • California drive vs fly. obviuosly driving makes it a cross country trek
  • England-canal boat
  • European vacation-fly to England, Eurostar to Paris, rent a car and drive to Italy. Stay in a quiet place in Italy and reverse.



After living in England for 8 years, working as a nurse for 7 years and 180 days and having a small house over there… I maintain a precarious immigration status called ILR-Indefinite Leave to Remain.

It’s more than a work permit but less than citizenship. In the event that I eventually want to exercise my right to apply for British citizenship I will have to show:

  • Indefinite leave to remain or “equivalent” for this purpose must have been held for 12 months
  • the applicant must intend to continue to live in the UK or work overseas for the UK government or a British corporation or association
  • the same “good character” standards apply as for those married to British citizens
  • the same language and knowledge of life in the UK standards apply as for those married to British citizens

There is a caveat to ILR in that “intend to live in the UK”  is generally interpreted as no more than 2 years without a visit. So I have visited my friends and house/tenants 3 times in the past 6 years for the all important passport stamp in my second/expired passport that holds my ILR.

Once again in January, I traveled to England like I was just sporting off to the other side of town. Seriously, I have made this trip so many times it’s like second nature. On this trip I really thought about how this is the only place, of the many I have visited, that I have returned to again and again.

I have lots of emotional connections to this particular part of England and there are several friends I love to see

Maybe someday I’ll move back there…

WordPress has moved on without me

I have had this blog for a long time…and this is actually my second one. I think I started in 2007 ish? I was just reading some old posts here and they were from 2009-8 years ago!!

I was looking for a new template last night and noticed all the new fancy wordpress templates-made me wish I had more of a theme but alas I just blog in fits and starts with no particular focus.

So, once again I’m forging ahead but I would encourage anyone who’s still reading to check out my old posts. It’s always important to occasionally remember where we came from to know where we are going.

It’s different for…

girls? yes, but “dating” and “relationships” are very different for middle-agers, with kids and years of baggage. On the occasions where I browse through online profiles of men my age (50+) I am momentarily attracted by the “never married, no kids” guy but on second thought I think there is something inherently creepy about a 50 year old man who’s longest relationship is under 2 years as some actually admit to.

I am equally repelled by the men who are looking for a date, relationship or even marriage and post a picture of themselves smiling with their children or even grandchildren…doesn’t exactly spell romance~~

I don’t know the details of my friend Julie’s current relationship other than they got along well, spent lots of time together over the last few months and now he needs his space or needs to spend more time with his kids which is squeezing her out. But I know the story and put up with it on a weekly basis.

No matter how good, fun or enjoyable our time together is come Saturday morning at 10am or whatever his designated pick up time is…it’s ta-ta. okay his son is still young, under 15 and I know that very soon his son will want to spend more time with his friends than with his dad but still…

I’m not terribly upset or insulted and welcome the break to do my own thing but still…

Relationships sure do get complicated as you get older.


I fought statistics…and won!

I think I mentioned last week that my stats professor gave me a second chance to turn in the one assignment I missed. Just in case you might think this was a small thing….I took Friday off work and spent 4 hours completing it!

But I got the 4 points that pushed me up to 79.7 which she rounded off to 80 and abracadabra…I now have a B in Intermediate Statistics!!


And I never plan to take another statistics class again…EVER!

my personal trainer and me

Ever since my body started to seriously and undeniably show signs of aging…aka weight gain, loosen skin, redistribution of aforementioned weight gain in well-known old lady areas….I have been working out for several months at a time with decent results, only to fall off the wagon for various reasons.

When I repatriated back to the US in 2011, I am lucky enough to be able to join the university fitness center for a measly $26 a month. In November of 2011 with my newly acquired stability, I was thinking about upping my game and getting a personal trainer-mostly to teach me how to use all those scary machines. I had a physical assessment which showed my cardiovascular performance was 5% above average for my age. Hey, I’ll take 5%….but I couldn’t find a trainer who: A. was interested in working with a middle aged woman and/or B. was able to accommodate my schedule.

Then came “the fall”. The fall that happened at the hospital where I work when I slipped on a puddle of water and tore my hamstring muscles off the bone…that is another story.

In the 18+ months since “the fall” I have had all kinds of exercise therapy, some of it prescribed by a doctor and some on my own. Besides the exercise physiologist  who got me balanced again by far the best workout was the “bootcamp” I did last April and May. We, a small group of middle aged adults met from 6-7am at the local high school track and did a different combination of pilates, yoga, weights, running, martial arts led by a very nice, middle aged, highly motivated personal trainer…it was fantastic!!

I loved being outside, being with group for motivation and seeing results quickly….my schedule did not like boot camp. I struggled to get to work by 8am so I missed a few sessions then vacation was looming which meant longer hours and that started my spiral out of bootcamp.

I finally got a young personal trainer at the gym and she was good but the workouts were boring, same thing every time, she was only free in the afternoon and I prefer mornings. Did I say she was young and had a perfect body?

Sooooo, this month I gave myself the gift of 10 personal training sessions with my middle aged boot camp trainer, also with a perfect body but at least she has a few wrinkles….and she comes to my house at 6am…how posh am I?