resolution update

I have finally succeeded to fulfill one of my resolutions. I went to my early morning boot camp class all three scheduled  days-Monday, Wednesday AND Friday this week!!

Woo Hoo!!! I usually only get to two sessions each week for some reason-either work, fatigue or just plain laziness. But this week I did it!!

Ironically though that is my 2016 new years resolution! I completely failed on that last year since I even missed 4 months of boot camp because of my surgery. Better late than never!

Now I am struggling with this years resolution to go to a movie-out to the cinema not Netflix on the couch-once per month. I thought this would be a no-brainer-something fun, easy, cheap…

It’s the end of February and I haven’t gone to the movie this month. I wanted to see Manchester by the Sea but that is not playing nearby but I have a second and third runner up and they both start at 4pm today. I just made a cup of coffee and I’m hoping that will give me the the energy to get me out of my warm comfy bed on a cold February afternoon.


what happened to my motivation?

I just finished up my fantastic month of personal training. Felt great, strong, totally psyched to continue and then? I think my motivation got sucked up into the vortex….and work.

Monday everything was cancelled but I made it in to work
Tuesday I was determined to get in a workout in the morning before work but didn’t
Today I blew off boot camp and worked another 10 hour day

See a trend?
Now, I have make a decision whether I want to continue boot camp, join Pilates tomorrow or just give up~~~eat and drink myself to a nice soft, round shape…which I am sure is my natural state!!
here’s what I am going to repeating tonight

the best part of my job?

when i took this position, my previous research in central line infections got me in the door.

i have more than proven my worth and expanded it beyond my managers in some ways. my manager is not aggressive enough…in my opinion

but the best part of this job? what makes it miles above my previous clinical positions?

when i get there…i get there

and then i work 8 hours

or i make sure i work 40 hours a week

nobody is waiting to give me report or handover the care of a patient for 12 hours

i have infection control responsibility for 2 of the most seriously ill, immunocompromised units in the hospital, organ and bone marrow transplant.

one of my units celebrated a major successs today while the other is struggling to understand what went wrong in the last 3 months

when i read the charts, i still empathize with the patients, nurses and doctors. these are not “easy” patients.

 i was told that one patient had a 5% survival rate even before we introduced a foreign object into her chest.

she is 34, with young children, she has an agressive leukemia. i have not spent a 12 hour shift with her.

but even though i can sleep a little later in the morning…it’s patients like her that still get me out of bed


monday mantra

i wish i was feeling this right now~~

“My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.”
Jack Layton (1950-2011);

Canadian politician

but all i am feeling is a lot of anger and a fair amount of fear and despair….

maybe an hour on the treadmill will help? if i keep saying it over and over long enough things are bound to change

go ahead grab your quote for today!!

when i get time

don’t know about the rest of you but i have a problem with time and motivation-for me, it’s kind of like one of those solar eclipses or haley’s comet…they only line up occasionally and for a very brief time…usually very early in the morning (like now) and fade away about 30 mins after my second cup of coffee.

i do however keep in my mind a looooong running list of things to do called “when i get time i’m going to……….”  i’ll have to add in there “and motivation” because that is a key element to actually producing any change or accomplishing the desired task.

so what’s on my current list?

  • cleaning the side room-so i don’t have to explain to the doc in A&E how i impaled myself on a sharp tool on the way to the clothes dryer
  • buying 2/3 trellis (what’s the plural for trellis?) and some potting soil
  • refinishing some old dining room chairs
  • doing something-anything with the white walls in my bathroom
  • finish touching up the paint in the living room
  • and getting really ambitious-redoing the kitchen
  • coming back to the little things- properly getting on my hands and knees to look for a lost earring under my dresser
  • buying some black tights
  • waxing my dressers-finally got some wax….

as you can see most of those are no brainers-except the kitchen-minimal expense, easily achievable…the only things missing are my two elusive friends….time and motivation…

it’s back….

the meloncholy. no clue where it’s come from in fact, i would say that everything is going really well. james is a slowly simmering problem but otherwise…

i feel like i have  wasted a nice, dry autumn day… i wanted to go for a long walk, midday but i stubbed my toe and it hurt so i slumped in the chair and if you were here you probably could have seen my energy meter wind down to zero, i  harvested my rasberries on facebook instead.  the sleeping cats and i sat here all afternoon in complete silence….that just is not me….

i think it’s related to working at home. i have no reason to be motivated, i did a few hours of work this morning…staring at the spreadsheet i worked on yesterday….writing a few pages of “reflection” about all the things i’m learning on my new job. fun and easy but torturous at the same time~~~ everything now is a” learning experience”.

i asked my boss if there is anything i need to attend in vienna, any meetings….presentations? no, i should just enjoy myself….and learn something!!

maybe i am just catching my breath after last week and before next week…i will be spending 3 mornings “observing” on the unit i work on. observing my boss doing his real job and observing all the nurses and doctors i work with. i will then write up the experience from two different perspectives. the purpose is to try out the forms before we send it out for all the critical care staff in england to use.

we are now “what’s new” on the NPSA (national patient safety agency) website

i know it all sounds like gobbledegook but i feel better reading this…

Matching Michigan’ is a patient safety initiative aiming to reduce central venous catheter associated bloodstream infections (CABSIs). It is a two-year project involving all adult and paediatric intensive care units (ICUs) in England.
 It draws on evidence from a study conducted in Michigan, USA, which showed that evidence-based interventions resulted in a large and sustained reduction (up to 66%) in rates of CABSIs, maintained throughout the 18-month period.

An estimated 200,000 central venous catheters (CVCs) are inserted in the UK each year. Of these, approximately 6.2 per cent (12,400 cases) may be associated with bloodstream infections.

 The UK lacks a standardised reporting system for bloodstream infections attributable to CVCs. This impedes benchmarking, feedback of data to clinicians, and nationwide improvement efforts.

Matching Michigan aims to:

  • Provide a web-based data collection and reporting system for CABSI rates in ICUs in England.
  • Minimise CABSIs in adult and paediatric ICUs in England by supporting current best practice guidance and offering additional behaviour change interventions.
  • Promote technical and adaptive (cultural) interventions in ICUs.
  • Spread the interventions to other clinical areas which use CVCs.

i’m so proud to be a part of this project….i am going to vienna in 3 short weeks and there is a conference in nice….south of france, next april~~~

not sure if i am trying to get motivated or trying to find a way to cope with my life changing new job.

my boss was in london today presenting the project at the Intensive Care Society…specifically for Princess Anne~~~~


i doubt that she is wearing her tiara but it does drive home for me how important this project is for the whole country…if we do it well~~~~

not a quitter

some people may think i am a totally negative, pessimistic person~~sometimes i feel that way. i wouldn’t say that is exactly my nature though, i would say that is more a reflection of what life has thrown at me…. maybe if i had someone else’s life i’d be a bit more bubbly? i’m not saying i don’t have lots of things to be extremely grateful for and i am well aware that i am pretty high up on the natural gifts scale…but fucking hell….why does everything have

short recap for this week? lost my lover, still no word about the teacher’s course and despite feeling pretty good yesterday afternoon….i went to bed with a throat that suddenly seemed lined with razor blades….tossed, turned, dreamed vividly til 3:40am when i finally realized there was no way i was going to make it to the train station let alone through a 12 hour shift…called work on very short notice (for us) and couldn’t even get words out, my throat was so bad…instead of the usual berating i would have expected for calling in so late everyone i talked to was very understanding and told my not to worry, just get some rest….and some tea with honey i suspect (if they do that here)

so here i am rejected, dejected, disappointed and feeling pretty darn shitty…but again i have WXRT on and cleo keeping me company…they have these adverts on wxrt that i love…because while i may not be the most bubbly, perky optimistic soul out there…i am no quitter!!!!

it’s called the foundation for a better life , it may look sappy and american but lots of inspiring stuff…and i need all the inspiration i can find right now!!!

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

—Mark Twain

“If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.”

—Franklin D. Roosevelt

think i’ll try that~~a little birdie told me this about 4 years ago

just let me know what u decide, and remember, that the easiest thing to do is come back and thats not really ur style

it’s good to know other people believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself~~~