A good deed

I know my brother is lonely. I know that he is bored particularly since the weather has turned cold and he can’t get out on his bike. I feel bad that I don’t come home after a long day at work chirpy and dying to chit-chat. I also feel bad that every time I turn around my brother has another demand. With the last one I wanted to say tell me about your living arrangement in China…did you have a concierge service that you submitted all your requests to???

After a rather trying end of last week into Saturday, I spent a lovely day with my daughter and grandson at the conservatory. One of the problems around here is that my grandson is very selective about who he wants to spends time with and specifically screams at the sight of my brother. Mixed gatherings such as Thanksgiving and any old meal time or party are very problematic.

Luckily, I was feeling slightly more relaxed -I still had to make a trip into work to clear the OR’s after some work was done. Surprising even my self I asked my brother if he wanted to take the ride into my workplace just to get out. He nearly jumped off his seat like I was dangling a few $100 bills in front of him! He was in his shoes and jacket in a heartbeat panting like a dog at the door.

We drove to my work and enjoyed the city skyline at night, he waited while I did my little inspection and we headed to the chain home store for a special lightbulb. He was pleasant and agreeable the whole time.

As we headed home he motioned towards a Taco Bell-3 crunchy tacos!

He’s much easier for me to deal with when he isn’t breathing down my neck. He was even more relaxed when I got home today. I can do this.


driving in fog

I am a certified worrier, I make myself sick and depressed worrying not so much about myself but about those around me and the world in general.

This week I was in my alternate state of mind which is to be completely spaced out just letting anything come into my head. I had a very clear visual of what worrying feels like and why I need to stop.


I think worrying is like driving in the fog- that hyper-vigilent state of trying to see into the darkness around you. It’s stressful and tiring. Maybe you can’t just plow on blindly but you can pull over and stop for a break, slow down or take a different route?

Unemployment Day #1

Technically I am no longer employed, resignation letter given months ago and amended to reflect a mutual agreement to stay 3 extra weeks. Desk cleaned, 3.5 years of work reduced to 4-5 folders and 50 or so e-folders.


I say technically because my new Associate Director/Manager of 3 months “didn’t know how things work here” and failed to get me a checklist where I would go to various departments and sign off. Places like….IT, parking, finance, security. The result is that I still have access to the hospital intranet and my email and being the disgruntled employee that I am I could be doing interesting things.

I also should have set up an appointment for an exit interview with the nursing dept-but I set that up for Tuesday myself…

The new AD is really pissing people off in my department-she likes to pontificate and drone on and on like a 80 year old priest at a catholic mass. She talks about the big picture, the long term goals  but is missing the here and now which is up to the eyeballs and urgent. I have been able to brush it off because I knew I was leaving but I do feel for my comrades left on the battlefield of healthcare.

She pissed me off big time because she was supposed to go over some data reports we compile before I left-keeping in mind that she had a bonus extra three weeks. She talked about it and I made myself available but she is so laid back, she makes willie nelson look hyperactive and because she is busy texting her husband and kids all day she just never got around to it.

There is a rule at my employer and most others I presume that you can’t call in sick on your last day-you MUST show up which I did and swiped in promptly at 7am. However, it doesn’t say how long you have to stay and the general rule for salaried employees is 4.5 hours counts for a full day.

At 8.55am after I had already attended a meeting (on my last day!) she stopped by my desk and patted me on the shoulder (grrrrrr) and make some comment about saying my goodbyes (grrrrrrr) and that she had to go to a meeting  from 9-11am and how about we meet about, umm, say 1pm to sit down and go over the report. I said “uhm yeh, sure” but in my head I was thinking


*taking a big breath*

I left my pager, ID and office key on my desk and went to say goodbye to various people I like and have worked with over many years and had a coffee with a good friend until almost exactly 4.5 hours and then toddled off into the proverbial sunset feeling quite satisfied with the work I had produced during my employment and with zero regrets.

About 1.45pm my cell phone rings and because I actually turned on the volume because I was waiting for a repairman and I actually answered it ignoring that it was an unfamiliar number…I find myself talking to the AD. She asks if I am coming back to talk about the report or maybe to say goodbye. She seems stunned when I surprise even myself and say “NO! I am finished, I am not coming back!” I add that she was supposed to get me a checklist and because I hadn’t properly checked out I couldn’t even get out of the parking garage!!

She genuinely seemed to think that I would spend Friday afternoon, a perfect summer Friday afternoon, my last day Friday afternoon going over reports that she had weeks if not months to review?????

th (2)

My first day of unemployment means two weeks of rest and relaxation.

relax rana

a little battered

not dipped in a floury batter-more like being knocked around in the back of a pick up truck on a bumpy road.
and the source of my battering? work and weather
worked a handful of extra hours and skipped too many lunches. Today I treated myself to ordering Thai and eating at my desk…
the weather??? After Monday’s record breaking cold
“Monday is coldest Jan. 6 ever recorded in Chicago”

Now on Friday it is pissing down rain!!!

I have owned my new car for 10 days now and have not had one sunny, dry day to really enjoy driving him!

I don’t want to be a weather whiner so good things? mmm, something good must have happened this week…

I worked out twice, two days in a row-on my own!

We are kicking off a hand hygiene campaign at work next week-our very ambitious raffle prizes were approved!

My house remains at highly clean level thanks to my son!

This is the intellectual level I intend to maintain for the next two days

spa day here i come

i had a long trying week at work. I am walking reletively pain free but my leg just isn’t doing what i expect it to. my knee feels wobbly and i am hypervigilent about any obstacles in my path- water, debris, ankle biters and frisky teens.
i was going to thetrain and some kids were goofing around and nearly ran into me. three weeks ago i would have chuckled and thought “nice to be so young and carefree” today i was ready to snap a neck if they bumped into me and made me lose my balance…
everything takes so much effort and concentration and i am feeling it and cursing under my breath~a lot!
but i have scheduled myself a little pampering! i’ll be having a real aveda elemental facial (not students) a haircut (tame the A. einstein look) and an eybrow wax on wednesday!

can’t wait
no, really I CAN’T WAIT!!!!