Cat lesson

This break up stuff is hard. I’m somewhere between denial and bargaining.

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It would be so easy to just give in…he tried very hard to put lots of excuses and corrections to what I’ve said. It would be so easy to just suppress my feelings, forget those subtle but stinging comments.

When I was young I was more than happy to embrace my boyfriend/husbands life-his likes and dislikes, agree with his version of the world and always make the necessary changes to keep everyone happy.

I’m way past that.

The reality is that if I walk away from this relationship, I will die a single woman.

There will be no more relationships. This one was a lucky fluke but I won’t be putting myself out there again.

I’m working on plans/projects for the next few months. Isn’t that what they say you should do?

Reasons why you should break up

Break up mistakes

What not to do after a break up

Must. move. on.

Single again. My choice.

Am I happy? NO!

I am sad, lost and disappointed but it feels right because I am no longer at his beck and call.

I have my time back….what I do with that time is another story.

It is stunningly, gloriously warm here in Chicago today!! I came home from work and watered my plants,Berwyn-20140508-00186

sat in the garden with cleo and started digging up the millions of dandelions in my lawn

Berwyn-20140508-00188

He already text saying that he assumes I will not be picking him up at the airport tonight. Not LOL.

I just need to stay strong one day at a time.

 

Closing a chapter

I have ended a few relationships, I have probably been dumped twice as many times. Through the many hard years of my separation I had a few songs that kept me going and I still go there~

This song came on the radio when I was chauffeuring my ex, I turned up the radio hoping he would get it…he didn’t

In the late 80’s,  I craved independence, craved having a life, my life. I sang and danced this…

then there’s always this

 

it’s dark in here

my previously good, upbeat…positive mood has been completely snuffed out…not sure about the why’s and how’s but if i could spend a few more days in bed like i did yesterday maybe this big dark cloud would be gone when i got up.

i have a big day in london tomorrow, i’m even supposed to stay overnight but i think i might cancel that…too much socializing involved…

maybe another, (my fourth) cup of coffee will help…

a weather reminder

just when i was slipping in to endless complaining about the weather…it’s good to know there are people, namely the swedes, who have it worse….

The Swedish capital Stockholm registered only 17.5 hours of sunshine for the entire month of November, making it the gloomiest November since 2000, meteorologists said Monday.

The sun shone on average for only 35 minutes a day during the month, the Swedish Meteorological and Hydrological Institute (SMHI) said. In the past quarter-century, only the years 2000 and 1993 had darker months of November, with eight and nine hours of golden rays respectively, while the average for the month is 54 hours.

Because clouds trap heat and prevent clear skies and crisp temperatures, November 2009 was also one of the warmest Novembers in 25 years.

The average temperature in Stockholm was 5.6 degrees Celsius (42 Fahrenheit), compared to an average of 2.9 degrees over the past 25 years. Only the year 2000 was warmer at 7.0 degrees.

 Stockholm, one of the northernmost capitals in the world, also has less sunshine in November because of the shorter daylight period, with around seven hours of daylight in November.

 By contrast Sweden has long sunny days during the summer months, on average 292 hours of sunshine in June and 260 hours in July.

 get out those SAD (seasonal affective disorder/depression) lamps!!!!

i hope i get upgraded

i am taking a little trip… it hasn’t been planned for very long, it’s full of mixed feelings and i kind of wish i could change my mind but…

i’m flying home to chicago tomorrow, besides the somewhat daunting logistics~~work tonight, come home at 9am and head back into town to catch the coach to heathrow at 11:30 for a 17:50 flight(?!)~~i just don’t seem as excited as i should be. i used to get so excited about this kind of stuff but now it’s just a tedious series of hurrying up to wait.

i was hoping for some nice decent spring weather but rose sent me this yesterdaysnow

and apparently it’s still there today!

there is no doubt that i have been suffering lately because of my personal situation, my lack of posts is directly related to my broken heart. it’s really difficult to watch other people falling in love, planning weddings, having walks, talks and holidays and even fighting with their other halves…when i am feeling like the biggest relationship failure in the world!!

will a week in chicago’s very early spring weather, amongst the natives, gorging on edy’s ice cream, rold gold pretzels and sausage/mushroom pizza help??

probably not but maybe i will come back with some sense of who i am, where i come from, what has brought me to 51 years old and be able to look beyond the person i have become here in england.

oh yeah, next saturday is my birthday!!!