Life moves pretty fast

I looked back to see my last post to see where to pick up and wow how things have progressed.

I have been offered and accepted an assignment in

Yes, it official. 9 months in Kutupalong Bangladesh. I’ve read that two refugee camps near Cox’s Bazaar on the Myanmar border have swelled in the last year to nearly 500,000. I will be working at the hospital at Kutupalong.

Now begins the process of getting there. I resigned from my comfy government job yesterday. I’ll be going to Bonn Germany for a week of training and simultaneously getting medical clearance and a scary list of vaccinations–typhoid, yellow fever, rabies…

I’m committed though-I thought about how I would feel if I changed my mind and decided I would regret it.

I may be old, I’ll be 61 this year but I feel like this is the biggest, baddest act of my whole life. It will be my legacy for my children….grandchildren.

 

Dream Job

As much as I have hated most of my jobs, I do have a dream job. My dream job is an  Infection Control Specialist with Doctors Without Borders/Medecins Sans Frontieres. It’s a well known medical charity working in third world and ravaged (by war or disasters) countries-even their tagline is amazing-

Medical aid where it is needed most. Independent. Neutral. Impartial.

Imagine my surprise last March to find out this dream job actually exists!!! And it pays a salary not just volunteer. I read the job posting and checked off 95% of the requirements-yep, got that…done this…the only missing item and it was only in the “desired” list is that I don’t speak French but I got to work on that using Duolingo.

I’ve lived and worked overseas, I’m a certified Infection Control Preventionist with quite varied experience, written policies and protocols…

I applied and almost had my bags packed ready to move to NYC and travel the world, waiting anxiously for my interview that I was certain would be happening any day. Days turned into weeks…nothing…not even an interview. The only response I ever got was the standard email confirming they had received my cover letter and resume.

As I agonized over why I wouldn’t be contacted for at the very least a phone interview-the only thing I could think of was that it was open to doctors, nurses and other professions. Still…I was heartbroken.

In my current state of job frustration I look for jobs on a number of different sites at least daily if not more. I browse Infection Control jobs as well as other nursing jobs, I check the local area and also east coast areas since that’s where I plan to head for retirement.

In August I saw the same dream job at DWB/MSF posted again!!! Exactly the same position and requirements, hmmmm, I’m thinking did the person they hired not work out? Or it worked out so well they need a second person?

This time I took my time, tweaked my resume, wrote a new cover letter and sent it off with slightly less anticipation. Got the confirmation email and waited for the closing date. Sept 15th came and went and it’s the same story. Not even a phone call.

In reality, I didn’t know how I would live in NYC and maintain my house in Chicago but at the end of the day I wanted this job so badly I was considering sleeping in my car.

I felt deep in my heart that this was the job that would have made the last 30 years of cleaning shit, night shifts and ungrateful families worth while. I thought this job would have given me the motivation to work happily and productively for the next 5 years or more and retire satisfied that I really accomplished what I set out to do-which was/is to really make a difference in peoples lives.

Instead, I’m coasting- doing a job I’m over qualified for and too old to go back to school.

2016 was not a good year

In fact I will contend that it was in the top 5 worst years of my whole life. And when you compare it with the year my parents got divorced and the year I found out (with three small children) that my husband of 15 years was addicted to heroin that’s some pretty stiff competition.

I’m not sure if i mentioned how it started – although technically it was the last week of 2015 it set the whole year off with a bang…or should I say squeak.

My then boyfriend, roommate, potential soulmate left for Christmas to visit his family on the east coast-totally fine, his parents are getting old and he wants to spend time with them. What wasn’t fine is that we had seen a few mice before he left and with his usual carefree, nothing will go wrong attitude he said he would wait til he got back to call an exterminator.

I’m all for taking responsibility and in this case I failed to express my very deep disgust for mice.

So we both have our nice respective Christmases except the day after he is still with his family but I am alone in his apartment. So, feeling a little lonely I take a nap and then go to run a bath. As I glance at the sink, I see this:

Now I don’t have great vision these days but I know something is up so I get closer to see what this is and of course what it is is a mouse-in the bathroom sink!

I text this photo to boyfriend and this is where his supreme lack of concern takes on epic proportions-he replies “How cute!”

By the time he realizes that was probably not the best choice of responses I have my bags packed waiting for my sons to pick up my stuff.

This becomes the 2016 “mouse incident”. It becomes my go to example of how little regard he has for me.

At this time we are co-owners of a medical cannabis associated business which is having lots of issues and everything becomes more complicated and strained since we don’t talk to each other for most of January and February.

He periodically takes sides against me in the business and resorts to screaming at me and criticizing my lack of business knowledge-I’m just a “government worker”–I don’t have any management skills…even though I was only supposed to be an investor and have a full time job already.

By April, we kind of make up and I have surgery looming so he mans up and says he will take care of me afterward especially since I wasn’t able to drive for 6 weeks. The surgery went as well as could be expected but hey, surgery is not pleasant under any circumstances.

The undercurrent throughout this whole period is of course the presidential campaign and for whatever crazy reason my hippie peace loving boyfriend was enamoured and sucked in to the Trump bullshit. I really just ignored most of it thinking that he was either A) trying to get a rise out of me or B) just wanting attention by posting Trump shit on facebook. Either way, I tried to ignore it and honestly I don’t care who people voted for but I draw the line at listening to fake news at breakfast. Some of the insane items he tried to force down my throat were 1) Hilary had a neurological condition 2) Michelle Obama was a man 3)Michelle Obama never gave birth 4) of course Barack Obama was not born in the US 5) climate change is not real…

I give him credit for taking some good photos of my incision, picked me up promptly from work~~~~but I still did an awful lot for myself and for him during that time.

The other shoe dropped on July 15, 2016. the day of the attempted coup d’etat in Turkey. we were with his son at Chipoltle and still taking in the whole situation. Again keeping in mind that I lived in Turkey for one year, I have friends there and I just visited in 2015 and he knows that. He went on to tell his son that everyone who had been killed in the coup were Muslims and nobody should be surprised because the Koran tells Muslims to “kill”. WTF??? what the bloody fucking hell??

On the way home when I expressed my displeasure at his total disregard for facts and disputed his broad sweeping generalizations…he screamed at me me that I was “naive” and not as informed as him.

Again, I packed my belongings and left while he laid on the sofa playing with his phone. no apology. Later his excuse was that he’s Italian, he shouts, get over it.

in addition to this drama, my daughter got a divorce and my brother was undergoing chemo and all that associated palova.

The year has ended-the business has closed and I am single. i recently told my ex that I used to put up with bullshit in relationships, I have been trapped in unhappy relationships because of financial/legal constraints but no more. I have a home, a home he refused to live in and rarely even visited.

2017 is off to a good start. I got a bonus at work based on an excellent performance review, got a big fat tax refund, recovered some of the money I lost on the business and enjoying my grandson. I have a few vacation plans swirling around in my head~~

• California drive vs fly. obviuosly driving makes it a cross country trek
• England-canal boat
• European vacation-fly to England, Eurostar to Paris, rent a car and drive to Italy. Stay in a quiet place in Italy and reverse.

 

England….again?

After living in England for 8 years, working as a nurse for 7 years and 180 days and having a small house over there… I maintain a precarious immigration status called ILR-Indefinite Leave to Remain.

It’s more than a work permit but less than citizenship. In the event that I eventually want to exercise my right to apply for British citizenship I will have to show:

• Indefinite leave to remain or “equivalent” for this purpose must have been held for 12 months
• the applicant must intend to continue to live in the UK or work overseas for the UK government or a British corporation or association
• the same “good character” standards apply as for those married to British citizens
• the same language and knowledge of life in the UK standards apply as for those married to British citizens

There is a caveat to ILR in that “intend to live in the UK”  is generally interpreted as no more than 2 years without a visit. So I have visited my friends and house/tenants 3 times in the past 6 years for the all important passport stamp in my second/expired passport that holds my ILR.

Once again in January, I traveled to England like I was just sporting off to the other side of town. Seriously, I have made this trip so many times it’s like second nature. On this trip I really thought about how this is the only place, of the many I have visited, that I have returned to again and again.

I have lots of emotional connections to this particular part of England and there are several friends I love to see

Maybe someday I’ll move back there…

Squeezing

Some people, men and women, have trouble with commitment, myself included. My baby days are over so marriage issues are stronger towards protecting my children from my husband than giving them a baby daddy.

It’s a rough situation for me and lover. He works in Kansas City, Missouri, 1.5 hour flight from Chicago~Monday-Thursday. I’ve been away in New York…do the math, not much time together.

A lot of texting, email, choppy phone calls.

I am wavering on the new job, he text that he was wavering on “everything”, I thought that might include me, I text that if he didn’t want me to join in on our upcoming cross country camping trip~just say so

He responded with the closest thing I have heard to a commitment in 20 odd years

(in caps)

I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME

How could I not melt, in true 2014 style?

Lizzie

Last night I volunteered to help out at the annual nurse competencies on an evening shift (3-11pm). I really enjoy talking to the new and old nurses. It’s quite a social event and gives great insight into what really goes on, the nurses are relaxed and ready to spill secrets.

I saw a nurse who looked familiar and we both kind of eyeballed each other trying to place how we knew each other. Then it hit us simultaneously that we worked together 10 years ago on the night shift-where nurses really bond!

After hugs~

She blurted out “my daughter is gay”

Asked how my kids were

Am I getting it? She hasn’t had sex in 9 years, 9 YEARS! doesn’t do “rubber” (vibrators, dildos)- only “real meat”

She is getting close to retirement and plans to have her daughter take over her mortgage payments for 6 months a year so she can travel~good plan!

I updated her about my kids, house(s) and yes, I am having sex.

10 years in 15 minutes!!

I promised to show her how to do online dating so she can get some real meat!!

 

 

off to NYC

I am flying out to New York …City…Queens…Long Island City…38th street…my son’s hood. That is the purpose of this visit~to visit my son and experience his New York. It is long awaited and way overdue.

I am not thrilled with flying but I have to say that as I threw stuff in my well traveled back pack…I got tingle of excitement.

maybe I am just addicted to travel

is there a 12 step program?

change of plans

last week i posted my proposed agenda for this week.  what transpired is slightly different…

• monday- i went to london and then headed north to stevenage-stayed overnight in a chain hotel-swam in a huge king sized bed with four pillows dreaming of cats, a turkey carcass and a sick puppy
• tuesday- i presented at a meeting in stevenage then headed back into london-raced across to woolwich passed through grenwich which reminded me of a visit there with my 2 sons in 2000~~~ then headed north to leeds arriving at 9pm, stayed in a nice, unique hotel, snuggled down in a single bed and woke up to what i thought was pouring rain but turned out to be the shower next door and a sunny, windy day
• wednesday, today i’ve had a productive visit with the less famous phil jackson, wasn’t able to find my favorite deli in all of england and headed home disappointed, tired and wanting to just be not moving….

i have tomorrow off, one more trip to london on friday and hopefully i can fit in my 20th visit on monday or tuesday…

here’s the map

information overload

well, rose is arriving from the states today-i assume her plane has just landed at heathrow. she didn’t arrive yesterday like i originally thought and have been telling everyone…

i am down to the wire with my research project-i have a very real deadline to finish my 21 site visits-it is now extended 24 hours to the 16th March.

 no ifs, ands or buts….end of…..deadline…cut off….terminus….time zero…

with that i have lots of numbers, dates, names of hospitals and assiciated people swimming around in my head and that’s how i got mixed up about roses arrival.

next week, my tentative plan is as follows:

• monday-london-last meeting-stay in london overnight
• tuesday morning- stevenage-fly across london (1.5 hours) miday to woolwich and stay in london again
• wednesday morning- north to leeds (2 hours)
• stay in leeds or posiibly cambridge wednesaday night
• thursday morning- cambridge
• limp back into birmingham thursday night….literally….

but i honestly wish that the entire 20 something months had been more like this…i’m in charge of my own work, i understand it, i feel confident and i’m accomplishing so much!

i’ll have 2 weeks of relaxation at the end of the month so i can rest then…

mental pause

as i am fast approaching my 53rd- YES! 5-3…fifty-third birthday –  i am still victim of estrogen…why? i have no idea…everytime i relax and think…this is it…the end of my life as a fertile woman…my ovaries manage to prove me wrong.

i am having slightly more hot flashes-i have woken up dripping in sweat a few times but mostly my overwhelming symptom is lethargy….extreme tiredness… bordering on being comatose. i NEVER feel awake and alert and ALWAYS feel like given a comfy chair in a warm room i’d be out like a light in a matter of minutes…and regularly do exactly that.

this is a major hurdle to my current cross country uk tour-even though i haven’t posted much about it lately-mostly due to the reasons stated above- i am currentl- as we speak –  sitting in portsmouth . can’t say much about it yet as it was dark when i arrived but tomorrow i hope to get down to the harbour before i head to the hospital at 8.30 am.

this comes after i went to telford this morning…shropshire on a sunny, early spring morning was absolutely gorgeous!!! sheep and fields and horses here and there….i actually got off the train in wellington and took the bus to the hospital. the meeting was much shorter than i expected and so i was able to have a short wander down the high street.

it’s sad to report that instead of quaint little tea houses, bakeries, unique boutiques and houseware shops…there were at least 10 charity shops, a handful of pawn and pound shops.

the recession has got a grip on everyone…one last comment…my boss told me “the voltage was low” in that part of shropshire…he was right but they have a lovely low voltage glow about them~~~

here’s a new map of my travels around the uk-i am currently on the green leg…way down on the south coast~~